Reconciling Feminism, Patriarchy, and My Faith

What does it mean to be a feminist as a Christian woman?

I want to preface this by saying two things: First, I believe that every Christian who genuinely seeks to understand the word of God, to some extent, embodies feminist principles. Second, no matter where I am in life or where I go, I will always be deeply grateful to feminism and the feminist community. The sense of sisterhood and empowerment it gave me has profoundly shaped who I am in a unique and beautiful way.

With that in mind, I find myself grappling with a challenging realization: I stand at a crossroads where both patriarchy and feminism have, in their own ways, sown seeds of disillusionment toward men. Whether it’s the poor logic and judgment of misogynistic, patriarchal figures in my life or the growing reality of how men mistreat women—coupled with the idea that change is improbable and the narrative that good men are rare—both have led me to wrestle with an uncomfortable discontent.

Yet, amidst this confusion, I hold fast to these three truths:

              1. I Do Not Want to Be Defined by Stereotypes or Expectations

I do not aspire to live a life shaped solely by my desires or dictated by society’s expectations. Whether it’s patriarchy's call for women to conform to traditional roles as nurturing homemakers or feminism's ideal of assertive, career-driven women, neither of these stereotypes does women any favors.

Don't get me wrong—I understand that the premise of feminism is "freedom of choice," whatever that may be. But it is also hard to deny that there is often a stronger push towards becoming a certain type of woman when we think of an empowered woman. I find that both patriarchy and feminism fail to fully capture the diversity of God’s design for us.

Because, at the end of the day, I do not want to follow my heart or my husband's heart; I want to follow God’s heart and live the life He has called me to—whether that’s in the quiet of a home, the vibrance of a stage, the reverence of a church, or the authority of a parliament. God created women with varied gifts, personalities, and callings. To conform to what patriarchy or even feminism sometimes demands would be to risk missing the unique purpose God has for me.

 Whatever path I take, I want it to be driven solely by my desire to fulfill God's will, not by a need to prove, disprove, or live up to anyone else's expectations.

           2. Women’s Value Is Not Determined by Society’s Treatment of Them

History and the present day bear witness to the undeniable mistreatment of women—by individuals and society at large. One doesn’t have to subscribe to feminism to understand, admit, or believe these realities, whatever their relative degrees may be. But I do not believe we need to hate people to hate the actions or the culture that perpetuates this injustice.

More importantly, the way society mistreats women is not a reflection of their worth. God’s love for me as a woman is not diminished by my gender. He sent His Son to save me, just as He did for any man. I have nothing to prove to anyone about my worth—I am inherently valuable because I am His creation.

So believe me when I say that to whatever degree I am or will choose to be a feminist, it has never and will never be about convincing anyone I am worthy of rights. That is the Christian in me!

      3. Equality and Difference Can Coexist

The conflict between feminism and patriarchy often arises because one side clings to the truth that men and women are equal, while the other emphasizes that men and women are different. I firmly believe both statements are not only true but can also coexist.

Men and women are equal, yet we are also different. These differences are not deficits; they are complementary. They reflect the beautiful, interdependent design of humanity, where both genders bring essential qualities to the survival and thriving of society. No one gender is more important for one thing than the other.

The tension between equality and difference often stems from a mistaken belief that acknowledging one truth undermines the other. But it’s precisely our differences—combined with our shared dignity and value—that enable us to lead, collaborate, and flourish not only as families but also as communities and nations.

In leadership, for example, which I believe is where most of the controversy lies, the varied strengths that men and women bring create the kind of balanced wisdom and perspective essential for meaningful progress. The fact that men and women have differences doesn't make one inherently better suited to lead than the other. In fact, it makes them both incomplete without one another. Which is exactly why equal representation makes sense! 

A Path Forward

As I navigate this tension between patriarchy, feminism, and my faith, I am reminded that I don’t have to fit neatly into any box constructed by society. Instead, I seek to be faithful to the calling God has placed on my life—a life that neither diminishes my femininity nor exalts it above my humanity.

I do not want to live my life feeling angry or holding resentment toward society. I don't want to live it tired, always feeling like I can't measure up to the abstract standards of society that often changes. And I don't want to live it feeling helpless and undeserving.

I want to live my life hopeful and full of faith. I want to live in a way that resists the temptation to reduce people to stereotypes and embraces the fullness of who we are—different but equal, broken yet redeemable, and always valuable in the eyes of God.

So now I wonder: where does that actually leave me?

Maybe I am still a feminist, maybe I am not, I haven't really figured out where I stand with that yet but all I know is I will always stand in the hands of God.